Devotions

Of the many kinds of grams in this world, I imagine mammograms would rank at the bottom of every woman’s list of favorites.

At my last screening, the Mammogram unit of the hospital was bustling with activity, pardon the pun. They had graciously worked me into their full schedule, for which I was appreciative, though I would have been quite pleased to have gone for a root canal instead.

"Thank you for squeezing me in!" I smiled at the technician as she put the machine into crush mode. She gave a puzzled look and I realized what I’d just said.

“Oh…into your schedule, I mean.” We both burst out laughing.

Moments earlier the nurse had asked a patient, “Do you have a history of breast cancer?”

“No ma’am,” the minimally- endowed woman replied. “I don’t even have a history of breasts.”

Weathered cartoons and humorous posters about mammograms hung on the wall. 10 Ways to prepare for a Mammogram: 1. Put 2 cast iron bookends in the freezer… 2. Lie on the ground, have your husband put the car in reverse … The list went on, and I walked out of that hospital feeling like I’d just sat through re-runs of Red Skelton. Laughter is the best medicine.

“Gotta keep our humours about us,” my sister would often say. No matter where we find ourselves in life, we can usually discover a silly side to it. Eventually.

I realize not all mammograms are funny, especially when they result in scary or heartbreaking news. I’m facing one next Tuesday, my first ever “bi-lateral diagnostic symptomatic” mammogram, as the result of a lump discovered by the doctor last week.

I’m sure everything will be fine, maybe even fun. I’ll go prepared to laugh and have a good time, armed perhaps with Snoopy cartoons and my well-worn copy of The Best of Erma Bombeck.

Or maybe the dentist will be a sport and let me go have that root canal instead. Stay tuned.



	Monograms, Milligrams and Mammograms Of the many kinds of grams in this world, I imagine mammograms would rank at the bottom of every woman’s list of favorites. At my last screening, the Mammogram unit of the hospital was bustling with activity, pardon the pun. They had graciously worked me into their full schedule, for which I was appreciative, though I would have been quite pleased to have gone for a root canal instead. "Thank you for squeezing me in!" I smiled at the technician as she put the machine into crush mode. She gave a puzzled look and I realized what I’d just said. “Oh…into your schedule, I mean.” We both burst out laughing. Moments earlier the nurse had asked a patient, “Do you have a history of breast cancer?” “No ma’am,” the minimally- endowed woman replied. “I don’t even have a history of breasts.” Weathered cartoons and humorous posters about mammograms hung on the wall. 10 Ways to prepare for a Mammogram: 1. Put 2 cast iron bookends in the freezer… 2. Lie on the ground, have your husband put the car in reverse … The list went on, and I walked out of that hospital feeling like I’d just sat through re-runs of Red Skelton. Laughter is the best medicine. “Gotta keep our humours about us,” my sister would often say. No matter where we find ourselves in life, we can usually discover a silly side to it. Eventually. I realize not all mammograms are funny, especially when they result in scary or heartbreaking news. I’m facing one next Tuesday, my first ever “bi-lateral diagnostic symptomatic” mammogram, as the result of a lump discovered by the doctor last week. I’m sure everything will be fine, maybe even fun. I’ll go prepared to laugh and have a good time, armed perhaps with Snoopy cartoons and my well-worn copy of The Best of Erma Bombeck. Or maybe the dentist will be a sport and let me go have that root canal instead. Stay tuned. Copyright 2007

Monograms, Milligrams and Mammograms